November 26, 2011

Bend over, Beethoven!

Beethoven Piano Sonatas Marathon

Sunday, November 20, 2011
The Jerome L. Greene Performance Space
New York City

I was seriously unhappy with several performances, but decided against naming names and saying unkind things about the performers.  The reason is simple: these pianists are young, almost unknown, and at a point in their lives when they have to struggle a lot to have any kind of a career as musicians in a world indifferent to serious music.  I am sure that this makes them quite vulnerable to harsh judgments of their playing, even when such judgments appear in anonymous blogs. 
     However, among these pianists there was one Ritalin-deprived mongoloid whose drooling fantasy was to make Lang Lang sound like a thoughtful and reserved musician by comparison.  There is no metaphor or analogy that can illustrate what this retard did with his chosen sonata (Opus 22), so I'll have to describe his performance as directly and blandly as if I were writing a police report:  He bent Beethoven over the piano's sound board and, for the next twenty minutes or so, fucked poor Ludwig in the ass.  
      This public rape of a defenseless composer, loudly cheered by some enthusiastic humanoids in the audience, was far more chilling for me than the infamous rape scene in Stanley Kubrik's  A Clockwork Orange.   I won't tell you who the Beethovenfucker is, except to say that it will be a very long time before I will be able to hear this sonata again without having my skin crawl from the memory of his performance...


laybl said...

Your mildly-phrased review of the one, execrable performance, reminded me of a remark made by Maria Callas during one of her master classes at Juilliard...a now deceased friend was stage manager for those sessions. A young soprano from Ohio had just performed an aria, and Madame Callas, in kindly tones, suggested a few minor adjustments. The neophyte proceeded to repeat the piece exactly as before.

Interrupting her, Callas said softly, but icily..."When you do this you do not only insult me and yourself, you insult "Music"!

Did I detect a contradiction in your review?

Anonymous said...

Thanks for posting these, you give good reasons to do so, even regarding their likely imperfections. I'm looking forward to getting time to hear them.

"Did I detect a contradiction in your review?" - I thought maybe so, then I realised I was confusing no. 22 and op. 22.

Though I'm sure that many people with ADHD and Down's syndrome are perfectly musical, so I think I might describe the perpetrator in different terms...

john schott said...

Hold on - a lot of people LOVE to be fucked in the ass - ass-fucking in itself isn't synonymous with disgrace, horror, or travesty. For some, it's the Ninth Symphony!

Boom said...

Anonymous said:
>> I think I might describe the perpetrator in different terms.. <<

Alas, that may not be possible without sounding insensitive to this or that disadvantaged group of humans. Here are some alternative terms and their medical meanings (from Wikiepdia):

In the early 1900s, Dr. Henry H. Goddard proposed a classification system for mental retardation based on the Binet-Simon concept of mental age. Individuals with the lowest mental age level (less than three years) were identified as idiots; imbeciles had a mental age of three to seven years, and morons had a mental age of seven to ten years.
The term "idiot" was used to refer to people having an IQ below 30. In current medical classification, these people are now said to have profound mental retardation.

So what "different terms" exactly did you have in mind? (Just curious...)

laybl said...

Anonymous, aware, perhaps, of the heartache felt by parents of the retarded, or mentally deficient, and seeking a more accurate description of your target(s), might have said "tasteless", "boorish", even "clueless".

Musicians intelligent enough to read a score, memorize it, and play same in a painful but recognizable manner, are not idiots or morons, but unconscious of, or unconcerned with their obvious limitations.

Someone singing (ululating) in the shower hurts no one;the same individual in recital inflicts pain.

It's none of my business, but your verbal assaults do little to advance your insights.

Growing up in north Philly, I heard more than my share of "motherfucker", "cocksucker", etc. None of it had meaning beyond the moment. The ghetto Demosthenes' reflected their limited vocabulary and more limited imagination...and the rain it raineth every day...