There is help for you too!

Recently there have been many reports in the media about the rapidly increasing number of school-age children diagnosed with ADHD.  But what about today's adults?  What about those of us who grew up at a time when a kid would not be considered psychologically abnormal unless he was found standing in his parents' bedroom with a smoking shotgun in his hands, staring at two bloodied corpses on the queen-size bed?  How many of us might have benefited from an early ADHD diagnosis, so that we would not have had to struggle through life as knuckleheads, dimwits, morons, or - in the words of loving but exasperated teachers - just plain fucking retards?

If you experience such pangs of regret from time to time and wish you could find out if you really suffer from this disorder, there is help for you too!  Below you will find a short yet remarkably accurate self-diagnostic test designed specifically for adults.

Adult ADHD Self-Diagnostic Test
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You should seek professional help if you exhibit at least two of the following symptoms:

(a)  feel restless while reading Kant's Critique of Pure Reason;

(b)  fidget with hands or feet, or squirm in seat during the fourth hour of
        Handel's Giulio Cesare;

(c)  have difficulty concentrating on solving a system of non-linear 
        differential equations;

(d)  become moody and withdrawn when asked to recall the tone row in
        Berg's Violin Concerto;

(e)  turn hostile, aggressive, or violent if required to summarize six pages 
        of small-print legal disclaimers in the manual for a recently purchased    
        kitchen appliance.