June 4, 2013

There is help for you too!

Recently there have been many reports in the media about the rapidly increasing number of school-age children diagnosed with ADHD.  But what about today's adults?  What about those of us who grew up at a time when a kid would not be considered psychologically abnormal unless he was found standing in his parents' bedroom with a smoking shotgun in his hands, staring at two bloodied corpses on the queen-size bed?  How many of us might have benefited from an early ADHD diagnosis, so that we would not have had to struggle through life as knuckleheads, dimwits, morons, or - in the words of loving but exasperated teachers - just plain fucking retards?

If you experience such pangs of regret from time to time and wish you could find out if you really suffer from this disorder, there is help for you too!  Below you will find a short yet remarkably accurate self-diagnostic test designed specifically for adults.

Adult ADHD Self-Diagnostic Test
You should seek professional help if you exhibit at least two of the following symptoms:

(afeel restless while reading Kant's Critique of Pure Reason;

(bfidget with hands or feet, or squirm in seat during the fourth hour of
        Handel's Giulio Cesare;

(chave difficulty concentrating on solving a system of non-linear 
        differential equations;

(dbecome moody and withdrawn when asked to recall the tone row in
        Berg's Violin Concerto;

(eturn hostile, aggressive, or violent if required to summarize six pages 
        of small-print legal disclaimers in the manual for a recently purchased    
        kitchen appliance.


laybl said...

I've never considered myself to be a victim of ADHD..or is it PTSD?The weather has been cooler than usual, and I haven't heard from my friend in Texas. Obama seems to be experiencing management issues, with all the rain we had last week, I never know if my outlook is tempered by forgetting to call my brother...two--2--questions were consistent with my psychological issues...not like last Tuesday!

sasha said...

HA HA HA Amusing as ever Boom..I just lurve that manic monkey letting it all out at the drum kit..Mmmm Come to think of it I know one or two musicians who kinda resemble that ape..And they most definately need help.

Anonymous said...

A-a-a-a-a-a-a-aaaaaaa!!!! Help Me!!!!

-Brian [I think}