April 8, 2015

Mother-in-law's ultimate revenge...

I still remember mother-in-law jokes I heard as a kid growing up in Russia.  Many were predictably homicidal:

A man stands on a high floor balcony, holding an older woman just over the railing.  
The man says, "Ivan shot his mother-in-law.  Fyodor strangled his.  But I am letting you go."

A few were downright surreal:

Late at night.  A room in a communal apartment.  Mother-in-law sleeps in the corner partitioned off from the rest of the room by a curtain.   
     Son-in-law loudly whispers, "Mother!  Mother!"
     Awaken mother-in-law responds from behind the curtain: "What?  What is it, Vasili?"
     "Mother, would you like some fish?"
     "Sure, I'd love some, Vasenka."
     "Then get up and fry some."
     "But Vasenka, we don't have any."
     "Then shut the fuck up and sleep!"

No wonder I was startled when I saw the news item below.  Truly a metaphysical case of the ultimate revenge...

Mother-in-law's tombstone topples on Pennsylvania man, killing him

Reuters March 30, 2015 6:48pm EDT
A Pennsylvania man was helping decorate his mother-in-law’s tombstone on Monday ahead of the Easter holiday when it suddenly toppled over, pinning him underneath and killing him, a cemetery caretaker said.
The 400-pound stone fatally injured Stephen Woytack, 74, of Scranton, said Edward Kubilas, caretaker of St. Joseph’s Catholic Cemetery in the eastern Pennsylvania town of Throop, just outside of Scranton.


Guillermo Saar said...

Always suspicious of April 1/March 30 news items...

Boom said...


I would be suspicious too if it weren't Reuters. This news agency does not do April Fools Day jokes, at least to the best of my knowledge.

RonanM said...

My favourite one is from Bahrain

- Nahed, I hear your mother in law died under tragic circumstances
- So she did. She was on the balcony of the apartment when a freak gust of wind blew her over the rail
- Oh no – so she died from the fall
– No. She fell onto the power lines in the street below
– Oh horror – so she was electrocuted
- No. There was a power cut, and the power lines catapulted her over the wall into the swimming pool
- And she drowned, the poor woman
- No, she hit the diving board, bounced and landed back on the balcony.
- I don't get it Nahed, how did she actually die?
- I got my gun and shot her.