The limits of omniscience

I can't remember when was the last time I heard Beethoven's Pathétique sonata.  Must have been long ago.  But of course I still love this work, even if I do so the way we love Grandpa's stories of wars fought, women loved, and men bested.  We've heard these stories often since early childhood, know them by heart, and while we continue to think of them with affection, we'd rather not hear them again any time soon.

But lets pretend I do want to hear the Pathétique again, and imagine that God - the Supreme Music Lover - decided to reward my continuing affection for this piece by offering to take me back in time and arrange for me to hear this sonata performed by one of the following pianists (all known to have performed it in public recitals or private gatherings):

Ludwig van Beethoven
Felix Mendelssohn
Franz Liszt
Clara Schumann
Hans von Bülow
Anton Rubinstein

There would be no deliberation on my part.  I would ask the Almighty to let me hear Beethoven's performance.  This much I know.  What I do not know is why I would choose a performance I have no reason to believe would be musically the most rewarding one.  For one thing, Beethoven's playing could be sloppy.  Describing his performance of the Pathétique, his friend Anton Schindler noted that it "left something to be desired as regards clean playing".  On top of that,  Beethoven's highly theatrical projection of music - banging fortes, fluctuating tempos, wild gesticulation - would likely make him sound like a musical drama queen to my ears.[1]  And if I wanted to hear a messy performance of the Pathétique by a drama queen (which I don't), I could do better by asking God to take me to an Anton Rubinstein recital.

It is tempting to think that I would choose Beethoven's performance of his own work because it would have the absolute authenticity (Werktreue) denied to all other interpreters of his music.  But that's just comforting nonsense if only because Beethoven did not always play his own music exactly as written.[2]  So, unless 'authenticity' is taken as equivalent to the vacuous 'whatever Beethoven happened to play on a given occasion', his performance of the Pathétique could be no more 'authentic' than those of other musicians.[3]

Perhaps it is not Beethoven's performance I would really be after.  Perhaps I would choose it only to observe in the flesh the man I consider to be the most fascinating personality in the history of music.  But that can't be right either.  The personality of Beethoven-the-man has been pretty well documented, and there is nothing fascinating about a swarthy, rude egomaniac whose personal hygiene was as appalling as the squalor of his living quarters.  What is fascinating, of course, is Beethoven's musical personality which comes through all those brutal dynamic contrasts, surprising modulations, unbearably tense transitions, noble hymnal themes, and other aspects of his compositional style.  And that personality can be observed without any help from God by studying scores, attending recitals, or listening to recordings.

In the end I think I would ask God for an alternative reward.  I would say to Him: Dear God, I will be amply rewarded if You just tell me why, given Your original offer, I would choose Beethoven's performance.  And the omniscient Creator would reply:
How the fuck would I know!

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1.  Even when playing a Mozart concerto (dear old Mozart!) Beethoven could snap enough strings and break enough keys to turn the event into a demolition derby (as related by his life-long friend the composer Anton Reicha who was turning pages for him on one such occasions).  In his own music (according to the violinist-composer Louis Spohr) Beethoven could inflict this much damage to the piano with the first chord alone.
2.  According to Beethoven's pupil Ferdinand Ries.
3.  In fact, 'authentic performance' strikes me as a completely meaningless combination of words.  Performances are interpretations, and interpretations are supposed to differ from one another.  (Why else would one want to hear a piece of music played by different musician?)  The only authentic thing about the Pathétique is the manuscript of the score (if such survived) or at least the published score known to have been reviewed and approved by the composer before it went into print.